The Only way out is through it

I’ve been researching a lot of things lately and I came across this saying: “The only way out is through it.” It really resonated with me and how appropriate it is of a saying for survivors of domestic abuse. After many decades of life we realize that we go through trials. These trials have a purpose, usually to make us stronger and wiser. Where are you today?

Trials in life are difficult. While we are in the middle of it, sometimes we don’t see the other side. We can’t see it because of the fog. Sometimes that fog is deception like from a narcissist. The desperation, the loss of our identity, the extreme abuse, the lack of sleep, and the confusion that overwhelms us keeps us in it. The lack of energy makes the fight the biggest of our lives. We give up. We settle. We give the benefit of the doubt because it’s so bizarre of a lifestyle and the mean-nice-mean-nice cycle adds to the confusion. The smoke screens, the lies, the charm and the circle of abuse KEEPS US IN IT. So, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t see through it or if you stayed too long.

Narcissists are masters of deception. They are the biggest embellishers around and until you know their cookie cutter tactics you are confused. But today there is hope. Because you know what? The only way to get out of it IS TO GO THROUGH IT! You have to endure, educate yourself, and then get to the other side. There’s hope, because there’s light at the other end of this. Continue to push forward and get help. Take back your power. Take back your dreams. Take back who you are and keep walking forward baby, one step at a time! You can do this!

Blessings,

Ilaya (Author of “The Chameleons Among Us”)

The power of purple

  Have you ever wondered what different colors represent or mean? I’ve been hooked on purple lately, because the purple ribbon is a symbol for domestic violence awareness. Domestic violence awareness month is October and the World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD) is June 1st every year. It’s a time to come together and show support.

  I’ve always loved the color purple. I searched the internet and found these facts about the color and I wanted to share a few: Sources: https://psychologily.com/color-purple-in-psychology/ and

Quotena.com

1. Purple was often associated with royalty, power, and wealth because purple dye was hard to make. 
2. Purple is linked to feelings of individuality, independence and self expression.
3. Purple has a calming affect, reducing stress and emotional disturbances.
4. Purple is associated with creativity, spirituality, and wisdom in Western cultures. 
5. “In Chinese culture, it is associated with the element of fire and is considered a symbol of good luck and prosperity. Similarly, in Hinduism, it is associated with the third eye chakra, which is believed to represent intuition and psychic ability.”
6. Finally here is an excellent quote by Byllye Avery:                     “Purple puts us in touch with the part of ourselves that is regal. Purple is the queen in all women; it helps us keep our backs straight and heads held high“

  What a powerful color!! No wonder it is a symbol of domestic violence awareness. Maybe we need to wear more purple and sink into it’s calming and creative affects. We need to inherit the wealth behind supporting others and raising awareness of narcissism and emotional abuse. This shirt along with a hoodie, bracelet and sticker are on yakateeyak.com if you would like to wear to support victims (including yourself!) of narcissistic and domestic abuse. 

  

  You are worthy. You are powerful! You are beautiful inside and out. You deserve to be supported and acknowledged as unique and special! Take up the Purple Power today! 

In purple support,

Ilaya

ON A SERIOUS NOTE…

Though I love using analogies when shedding light on narcissism, I thought I would share some information to help those in need currently. Those that don’t know what to do, safely. Narcissists are dangerous, and if you leave you are most in danger over the first three weeks. Remember, narcissists need to control you, and you leaving takes that control away.

Here is a website that provides information about domestic violence, whengeorgiasmiled.org. There’s an app for domestic violence prevention called the Aspire News App. It allows victims to call for help immediately. On the website there’s a free curriculum that includes safe exit strategies. 

I truly hope this helps someone be safe today and always,

Ilaya

Emotional punching bag

  Are you feeling beat up? You don’t have to have visible bruises to be “beat up.” Emotional abuse is real and just as damaging. I was asked one time if there were visible bruises and when I said no I knew just what this battle was going to be. A battle that was forever uphill.

  As victims, we almost wish for black and blue marks just so we are believed. How silly is this? Imagine a world and more importantly the court systems that recognize emotional abuse as a severe crime against our rights. What’s the answer? The uphill battle of he said she said is tortuous, long, and draining. We aren’t here to be emotional punching bags, but that’s exactly how narcissists treat their victims. If the 1-2 punch doesn’t work, then the right upper cut will and so on and so. They have a lot of moves in their brains and their relentless desire to win creates a never ending boxing match. Have you stepped out of the ring or are you flat on your back and being told to get up for more?

  One answer is arming yourself by understanding the tactics of abuse. Knowing the potential moves of the enemy is always key information to winning. If you are in the know, then when you hear name calling, gaslighting, and demeaning comments you know exactly what plays they are punching you with. When you get to the point of laughing about it, you have won the match. I’m laughing and you need to also. 

  I’m giving you the inside information. I’m giving you their plays. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs about the right upper cut! This knowledge makes those punches stop in mid air, it makes the swing kick make him fall on his ass, not you, and your ducking makes him slam his hand right into the side of the ring. Yes, you have the power to win this boxing match and that my friends is a life changing tick in the win column for YOU! Time to hang up the gloves don’t you think?

Thankful to enlighten,

Ilaya