Knowledge of the tactics helps in court

I have a friend who I have taught about all the tactics that narcissists use.  She recently attended a mediation hearing involving the narcissist.  The knowledge that she had going into that negotiation led her to have incredible power.

My friend was able to see through the negotiations and realize the set up that was happening.  She was able to predict why he was making the offers he was and the language he chose in the legal paperwork.  She could predict his future behavior and she had the power within her to speak up.

My friend respectfully withdrew after a few hours of mediation.  She was able to enjoy her day and the power that she felt was incredible.  She left the meeting knowing how to handle herself in the courtroom since that is the next step.  She knows she has to stay unemotional in court and stick to the facts which she has a long list to present.

Dealing with narcissists legally is draining in every way.  If we aren’t educated about what they do and why, legally the outcome will not be favorable.  Sometimes the outcome is still very much a compromise, but just think if everyone knew the truth how much we could shed the light on this destructive personality disorder.

Let’s do this!

Blessings from Ilaya


Job or No Job?

Do most narcissists work or freeload?  Either scenario is plausible.  Sometimes the more motivated ones work and sometimes they can be lazy and have the victim work.

Why two scenarios you ask?  Well, it’s simple.  The ones who work often use their job and income to trap the victim.  They routinely use their income to not only pay the bills, but also hold over the victim’s head.  They will tell the victim that he/she shouldn’t work, but then will later guilt trip them because they don’t work and all of the financial burden is on them.  It’s quite a sick game of control and entrapment.

The other scenario is when a narcissist happily stays at home and makes the victim work to pay all of the bills.  They use excuses like “I’ll be a stay at home parent,” or  “I’ll build us a house,” or “I’ll make us money from home.”  Don’t believe a word of it.  You will find yourself in financial trouble as the goal posts move constantly.  They will force you to work more and more to accommodate their materialistic needs further trapping you into a life of complete financial hell.

Get educated and always have a skill so you can get out.  If they aren’t pulling their weight it’s a red flag.  It they force you to not work, it’s a red flag.  Seek help and use the internet to get a skill/degree so you can control your own life.  It’s not too late to make a move to better yourself and to ensure a bright future.

Good luck.  Happy thoughts to you and your family.


Living with a two-year-old

Those who have lived with a narcissist know first hand about their child-like behaviors.  It’s like living with a two-year-old who has tantrums and pouting episodes.

Tantrums occur when they don’t get their way or their image is tarnished in any way to the outside world.  Tantrums can lead to narcissistic rages which are very ugly and scary.  They hope to intimidate and win their way. How about the silent treatment?  That’s a winner also.  Pouting is my favorite.  Seeing a grown up pouting is unusual for sure.  It’s all done to get the attention they feel entitled to have and to get their way.

When you are in the relationship you might not see the ridiculousness of their behavior, but if you are more educated now and look back, you will remember the childish behavior that you were forced to deal with.

If you find yourself dealing with such childish charades, remember you or somebody else pushed their buttons.  It’s not hard to understand what those buttons are, because it’s your responsibility to get educated and strong.

Be well.



Three’s a Crowd

We’ve all heard the saying, “Two’s company and Three’s a Crowd.”  This is certainly true when it comes to dealing with a narcissist.

We all know the prefix “tri” means three.  There’s a tactic used by narcissists that involves a third person.  They love to either make their victims jealous or manipulate the third person’s viewpoint of the victim.  They love to make the victim look crazy and they do this by using “triangulation.”

Triangulation is very clever, sneaky, and effective.  Whether it be a love triangle created by the narcissist or a smear campaign ruining the victim’s reputation with the oblivious enablers or flying monkeys, the tactic is calculated due to the hidden agenda.  The agenda is to fuel the narcissist’s low self-esteem at whatever the cost.  Remember, they need to hide their abuse somehow and keep you from leaving by using jealousy.

I’m sorry if you find yourself getting jealous over another woman (or man) brought into the picture.  Also, get used to the narcissists circle of “friends” being appalled by your behavior and viewing you as the evil one.  This is very common and all you can do is dig deep and concentrate on healing yourself and give yourself positive affirmations.  Remember, you aren’t the bad guy here and you more than likely can’t fix the huge trail of destruction that narcissists leave behind.  Look beyond the dust cloud before you.

Stay strong.  Stay safe.  Educate yourself and seek happiness.  Life is short and you deserve to live each day with a smile.

🙂  Ilaya


Truth Demands A Response

Truth demands a response.  I’ve heard this a lot lately.  The truth is, narcissism is more prevalent than we think.  My response to that truth, is this blog and my book coming out in September.

Narcissism can be subtle or it can be very obvious.  For those who have been through a relationship with a narcissist, spotting one is very easy.  There’s an aura about them and of course time brings out their cruel behavior.

Educating the public is the next step in exposing this personality disorder that destroys so many lives.  I’m so thankful that I can share this wisdom with not only my children, but everyone who crosses my path.  Just think how a brief conversation could prevent your child from dating or marrying someone with narcissistic tendencies.  It’s so easy to share the symptoms and their tactics.

As most of us older folks know, the honeymoon stage of a relationship is only a brief time.  “Falling in love” can be blinding and it’s our job as parents and members of society to help educate and guide our youth and our dear friends so that life can be lived to its fullest without abuse and destruction.

I was happy to read about Shane’s Law.  Consider signing the petition on  I’m surely not the only one trying to start a movement against narcissistic abuse.

Be well.  Be strong.


Feel like a Possession?

Do you feel like you are a possession in your relationship?  If you do, just know, it’s not normal.

Nobody wants to feel like a possession rather than a human being with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and dreams.  Narcissists can’t love you, so they act like you are their possession.  Their possession to control and display.  Who has been told that you have been put on a pedestal?  Crazy isn’t it?

You have been put on that pedestal like a prized possession when you comply with the narcissist’s demands.  When you fight back and disobey, then you are taken off the pedestal and devalued in order to make you feel guilty.

Have you heard that you are one in a billion only to be told that now you are one in a thousand?  Same concept.  Narcissists put their victims in high places only to set them up for a punishment that is sure to come.  It makes them feel powerful as they control their possession.

I’m amazed as I write.  It’s almost unbelievable the life that victims have with their narcissist.

Don’t be a possession any more.  You are a human being that deserves to be put on the pedestal to never be knocked off.  A healthy partner will keep  you there and not plan to shove you off of it.

Educate yourself.  Feel empowered.  You aren’t alone!  Stay strong!


Narcissists need fuel.  It’s an interesting concept for sure.  Where do they get this “fuel”?  Anywhere they can.  They need fuel every day and will destroy anything in their path to refuel.

Narcissists thrive on creating conflict in order to feel in charge.  Their victim(s) is/are their fuel.  They will argue about nothing.  Conversations go around in circles in order to scramble the victim’s mind.  Distortion of reality is their goal so that you question yourself and your thoughts resulting in caving to their desires.  Jumping through their hoops is part of their fuel.  This is how they boost their self esteem.

Sometimes they make their victims jealous by bringing in another person of interest.  They will jump to someone else for fuel and they love to make you jealous so that you think they are this awesome person to fight for.  Not!  Don’t get trapped into this nonsense.  Their tactics are stealth-like and it’s easy to get caught up in their tangled web.

Don’t feel bad if you are in such a relationship.  It’s easy for any one of us to be snookered, bamboozled, and fooled.  Continuing to stay and be abused however is your choice.

Empty their fuel tank!  Educate yourself and be strong.  Your thoughts are important and you should feel loved.  Don’t let your brain be scrambled.

I hope this sheds more light and helps many!  Sending positive energy your way.  You can do this!