I’m amazed at how often life teaches us lessons if we are expectant. Being open to seeing little blessings or teachings each day helps us grow and appreciate life more.
Recently a friend was disappointed when her young daughter asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. My friend struggled with the fact that she used to have a job, but now she was a stay at home mom. I could tell she lost her identity and was really bothered that her five-year-old asked this question. In all reality, I think the two of them had conversations about occupations and the young child just asked her an innocent question. Seeing my friend lost in her own identity struck me and I said to her, “Your identity isn’t in your job.” I could tell she heard me, but I’m not sure if she believed me. This is sad, because not only is a stay-at-home mom important, but it’s a huge responsibility that is often under-appreciated. But, as important as that job is, this isn’t her whole identity either.
We are focused on our identity, but in the wrong way. Every time I have bought a vehicle, the salesman has always ask me “what do you do?” Every time! The last time, I ignored the question as I test drove the vehicle. I acted like I didn’t hear him, which I know wasn’t really polite. It bothers me so much that people are so wrapped up in what they do and what others do for a living. Now for the salesman, the question isn’t asked because he truly cares, it’s more to size you up for the negotiation. So see, there is an agenda behind the question. That’s why it ticks me off.
Imagine looking at people and not thinking about their profession. Isn’t that a more wholesome way to look at people? Imagine your family physician as your average guy at home with his family. We are all human and our jobs don’t really tell who we are. What does this have to do with narcissism or victims you may ask?
Narcissists use a false identity to lie and boost their image. They are on the other end of the spectrum for sure. They are really out in left field when it comes to reality. They not only think they are awesome and entitle to everything, but they manipulate their identity to hurt others. This is why I choose The Chameleons Among Us as my book title.
Now, victims on the other hand lose their identity. Through all of the abuse, victims lose their dreams, their desires, and literally who they are. It takes effort to recover and find that identity again. Remember, your identity isn’t your job, but it’s what makes you tick. Look inside yourself. What are you passionate about. What is your purpose in life. Do something today that makes you happy. That’s who ___________(first name) is!
Take time to look within and not around the workplace. Your identity isn’t your name with a bunch of letters behind it or in front of it. Your identity is your first name and what makes you burn inside with passion, love, happiness and peace.
Victims! You don’t have to forgive and forget, but instead remember and recover. Recover who you are. Recover those dreams. Recover your passion for life. You have an important identity and it’s right within you. It’s worth finding again!!
Have a wonderful day!
Ilaya, Author of The Chameleons Among Us