We all know that narcissists lack self esteem and therefore abuse others to feel good. The list of their tactics is long and their abuse is relentless. How does this abuse effect their children down the road? How many of you are dealing with children who have been suppressed by an abuser and now you are starting to see how bad the damage really is?
Children will act out eventually from their childhood trauma. I wanted to touch upon one major problem that parents might see in their abused children. That result is a self sabotaging behavior which creates problems in daily living and life goals. Kids might procrastinate their chores or homework out of fear of failure resulting in getting in trouble or not doing well in school. Parents, approach procrastination with love at first and try to get to the bottom of why and not assume it’s laziness.
Other self sabotaging behaviors are self medication with alcohol and drugs, overeating, and forms of self injury. All of these behaviors stem from a lack of belief in oneself. Where does this lack stem from? You got it, the abuse in their childhood. Think about it. The child gets the most attention from their narc parent when they are angry. So, when they get older, they are stuck in this behavior of getting attention when people are angry. So if your child is creating situations that are making people angry maybe there’s a pattern that they are stuck in from their toxic childhood. Imagine wanting to get people angry at you for attention. To the outsider or the “normal” parent this seems crazy and incomprehensible. But it’s real. The abused child doesn’t have self worth unless it’s tied to attention by getting people angry because that’s how they grew up. Wow, it’s great to correlate this and I hope it helps my readers!
Another reason for self sabotaging behaviors is to maintain control of a situation. They already know they will fail at the task so why not procrastinate and be in control of the failure? This would relate to schoolwork for example.
Parents who are raising children with a narcissistic parent, please be aware of the future side effects of the abuse. Co-parenting is extremely hard and then moving forward into the future as your child grows can and probably will have additional problems. I wanted to share the self sabotaging behavior correlation so that you can be on the look out for this.
I hope this information helps the parents out there who are fighting for the well being of their children despite the relentless efforts of the narcissistic parent to destroy everyone in their path. Be aware of the signs of self sabotaging behavior and try to get your child into counselling. If counselling isn’t an option, then read up on self sabotaging on your own and open up a conversation with your children.
Undoing the damage from a narcissist is tough, but you can do it! Read and educate yourself for the sake of the next generation. Support and love one another!