Failure in life is tough to swallow. Failure can come in many forms, but the real key to failure is how you react to it.
We all fail in life at some point. Failures come with taking tests, not getting a job, not getting into college, not managing money well, not responding to conflict with the best diplomatic approach, not keeping boundaries, not being honest, and not choosing the right life partner. Failure is part of being human, but how many of us really understand that failures are meant to mold us and build our character. Failures strengthen us and prepare us for the next turn in the road.
As life makes those turns, many of us rely only on our feelings when we choose a life partner. If she or he is attractive and has a job then they must be good enough, right? There’s so much more to choosing a partner. We need to teach our youth this when they’re dating. Time reveals the truth and looks aren’t everything. Charm and beauty are only skin deep. We need to seek a deeper meaningful relationship perhaps with the average looking guy or gal who is in the background of our lives. We need to open our eyes and be patient. Instead, hormones and instant satisfaction take over and the next thing we know we are tied to a narcissist or at least someone with whom we aren’t compatible.
Now, don’t beat yourself up if you’re in this boat, because you aren’t alone! Failure to pick the correct person to spend time with shouldn’t define the rest of your life. If you have chosen a narcissist, you have a battle ahead. The battle can be won, however. Despite the bombardment of demeaning remarks, the vanishing of your dreams, and the guilt trip that is being put on you, you can win. If you are reading this, YOU ARE WINNING. You are choosing to educate yourself and are seeking change. Narcissists want you to be defined by failure. Because they need to feel good, they will keep their thumb on you to suppress you. Soon you will feel hopeless, angry, resentful, and sad because your dreams are gone and day to day living is with much effort. Narcissists want you to depend on them only to elevate themselves and they don’t care about your feelings. It’s just the facts, but don’t let it define your life!
Have you been defining your life with the failure of being with a narcissist? If you are, then you’re right where the narcissist wants you, which is beat down and lifeless. Why let them win? You ARE important and your dreams do matter. Your happiness is important and the real reason for life’s failures is to make you stronger and wiser, not the opposite. If this delusion is being put on you, well, now it’s time to remove it.
I want to share a quote that I created one late night as I was writing, “The Chameleons Among Us.”
“Be strong, do not pray for the black clouds to go away, but instead pray for the rains to bring new growth, for after the rains, there will be a calm like no other.”
It’s time to look at your failures as stepping stones to higher ground. Learn from them, help others, and be excited for the next turn in the road, because there’s a life lesson in each and every failure. You just have to remove the fog, blink a few times and the answers are right in front of you.