As I sit and look out my window at the sunset, I shake my head. I shake my head at the path of destruction that has happened in my life all because of a narcissist.
Since I’m still healing and will be for a long time, I rethink the past a lot and try to understand what exactly happened. It’s ugly and I wish it never happened. My own family told me that I was a horrible mother for not packing up everything and everyone and moving away from the abuser. They thought going on the run was the answer. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard this and tried to explain that I couldn’t do this because the police would come after me due to the children. Even in my extreme worse, during the intense emotional roller coaster, I knew right from wrong. Besides, leaving my job and not being able to provide would be rather stupid. Just saying, lol. The bottom line, the narcissist caused a lot of problems with my family so now I haven’t spoken to them in a number of years. It’s okay, I wasn’t ever close to them anyway and there were other underlying problems. Besides I don’t need advice from people who are so heartless in their words. Because of this I have learned self-love and hard boundaries. Thank you family! I so wish my family could see how Mother’s day goes for me…lol…..from past Mother’s day, I would say that I’m much appreciated. My strength and endurance paid off. Standing up for the truth, has left long lasting healthy relationships with my children. It doesn’t get better than that!
What did I need from them during those rough times. How about, “Hey, what can we do?” or “Are you okay?” I never heard those words, but maybe they didn’t know how to express their feelings. Nevertheless, the past is in the past and I’m just reflecting on it. I view it as part of the path of destruction by one single person. It’s truly amazing how much a narcissist can destroy and how many lives they affect during the destruction. Narcissists love drama, and want to isolate you from your family. Maybe more global awareness will help save family relationships. I can only hope. Victims need to be supported instead of being judged and ridiculed.
The good thing is, I have learned who my true friends are. People come and go in our lives as the journey continues toward death. A true friend would never say anything positive about a covert narcissist because a true friend would listen and understand the extreme pain that comes with a relationship with one. There is nothing positive to say about a narcissist who leaves a path of destruction intentionally hurting others. A true friend would also keep me informed of any news about the narcissist that he/she may know that would affect my life. Telling me news after I ask just isn’t the same. My heart just sank writing that. Oh well.
A true friend would also keep in touch and check in every now and then. I’ve been through hell and I guess it’s too much to ask for someone to say “Are you okay?” “What can I do?” “Hey, I’m busy right now, but I’ll call you soon.” Just say something, you know? Again, I am truly the strongest woman I know and I have been told that by acquaintances who don’t even know the whole story. It truly hurts when the people who are supposed to be close to me don’t come through. I thank those who do come through and give me a word of encouragement or a prayer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I will persevere through this as well. Actually, this is nothing compared to fighting a narcissist. At least I’m ready for anything else that gets thrown at me during my life. I’ve been plenty prepared for any battle that comes my way and my faith has been strengthened for which I’m grateful.
But to be honest, I just want peace and happiness. I want laughter with friends and a normal life again! I’m working toward it. I recently had to be strong once again and since I know the tactics, I was successful. I’m the queen of dealing with the narcissistic mind. It’s easy once you know how they operate and kind of funny when you can beat them at their own games with their own words! Score!
Here’s to the future! Here’s to my recovery! There’s no stopping this girl from meeting all her goals and being happy. I will persevere and succeed in all I do with or without the people who I thought were friends.
Stop that path of destruction in your life now. Start rebuilding as soon as possible because the hurts are deep and the recovery takes time. You can do it!
Think about where you are in the path of destruction. You are either in the direct path and will be hit because you are in a narcissistic relationship and need more education. You could be in the eye of the storm where he/she is being nice only for the storm to move a bit and then you are in the rains and wind again. Or you are like me. You are that brick building in the outer bands of the storm since you still have to have contact due to children. I can neither hear the light rains nor will I be damaged by the winds anymore. I’m only touched by the weaker bands that do no damage, but just mess my hair up a bit. 🙂
I’m giving all of those survivors high fives right now! It’s going to be alright! Besides, if you endured a narcissist you are as tough as nails! :-)!
Ilaya, A warrior, A survivor, A woman with a life to live.