Do you live with someone who gives you deadlines? You may say what do you mean, “deadlines.” Grab your coffee and have a seat.
One thing I love to do on this blog is to give real life testimony of behavior that I hear about in order to shed light on the narcissist in a very real way. I don’t want to just list character traits or tactics, but instead relate to my readers with real life experiences. These experiences that I describe will blow away the smoke screen on the very subtle hidden agendas that the narcissist uses to control you.
After talking to a very close friend who knows a narcissist, the word deadline came up. It quickly brought back some memories for myself and here I am again early in the morning writing about it. Has anyone ever given you a deadline? Now, I don’t mean a deadline at work for a project nor do I mean a deadline for buying tickets for an event. What I mean is a deadline within your relationship on an interpersonal level. Have you been told that you are to tell your friend that she has a deadline to get back to you about hanging out. Hanging out with you and your narcissist of course. You know the friend who doesn’t care for your significant other who you have been isolated from? If you are still married to the narcissist and your friend really doesn’t like him, do you think all of a sudden she wants to hang out? Of course not. The narcissist is setting you up, but at the same time looks like the good guy who is trying to get you back in touch with your friend. You see? Same thing goes with family members. The narcissist will try to get you back in touch with someone to look like a good guy but he knows he isn’t liked so you will be disappointed and confused when these people refuse to hang out with you or jump through his hoops/demands. It must be their fault you know? He has isolated you and is further confusing you by giving a deadline as a tactic of control. You being sad is his goal. Again, remember he looks good and those other people well, they aren’t worthy of hanging out, look they don’t even follow the deadline! Right?
If you ever think, “wait a minute, why am I given this deadline?” If it doesn’t feel right, IT ISN’T! You are made to believe that deadlines in relationships are normal and that people who don’t follow them are inferior. Instead the truth is, the narcissist knows the deadline won’t be followed and he will swoop in and be the hero showing you that you only need him and these other people who ARE onto him don’t matter. But, see you don’t know that the other people are onto him like the narcissist knows because you are constantly told a lie. If the deadline is followed then the narcissist gets the attention that he has set himself up to get. It’s a win win for the narcissist!
If someone puts deadlines on you or your loved ones, it’s not normal, nor very loving. It isn’t togetherness and it isn’t compromising which healthy relationships do. It is very one-sided and selfish, but the key is, it doesn’t look like that! Narcissists are sneaky and calculating and operate with hidden agendas. He may get angry when the deadline isn’t followed or he doesn’t get enough attention or drama from his purposeful motives. The red flag should go up when you see this anger. It is very hard to not get sucked into the tactics. Only people who know how narcissists operate will be able to skirt around these deadlines and not give the attention that is so desperately needed by the narc. My friends didn’t give the attention that was asked for and out of the blue there was a deadline. Haha. Narcissists always deploy a tactic to regain control. They are playing the game and the narcissist doesn’t even know how much he is the one being played. Being calm and staying true to yourself will frustrate a narcissist to the core. Don’t let anyone put a deadline on your response or your actions.
Deadlines are for the work environment, not for at home! All you have to do is say “NO!” to regain control of your life. You don’t have to do some twisted hidden agenda like the narcissist does in his life. Just simply say “NO” to deadlines and abuse! Don’t be controlled.
I hope this sheds some light on the narcissist in your life.
Have a beautiful day.