Narcissists get away with a lot because they do things behind closed doors. Few witnesses are present and their charm covers up the truth. When they do their manipulative tactics in the open they are so cleverly and underhandedly executed that people are left confused more than pointing the finger of guilt.
Victims of narcissists find themselves in the circle of “he said, she said.” It’s a never- ending cycle where the cool, calm collected narcissist looks like the good guy. The victim screams abuse and looks like the “crazy” one. Along with the cool calculated behavior, goes manipulative tactics to keep the narcissist looking clean. They cry victim and turn the story right around in order to keep their façade going.
Emotional abuse behind closed doors falls under the category of “he said, she said” which is perfect for the narcissist to keep the abuse going. It creates this perfect storm leaving the victim not only violated emotionally but leaving her with no support except maybe close friends who again are believing one side of the story. When children speak up about what’s going on behind the closed doors, the narcissist will cry “parental alienation.” This is so ugly. It’s horrible for a child to speak up against a parent, but it’s doubly horrible when the narcissistic parent discredits his own children for the sole purpose of saving his identity and self worth.
How can we stop the land of “he said, she said” from perpetuating the narcissist? How can we stop their abuse from continuing to hurt others? I think hard evidence and education. We need to let everyone know about narcissism. People need to know the signs so that potential victims get out of the relationship before the slippery slope of hoovering, manipulation, and lying are the daily routine.
If you find yourself constantly validating your story with your friends while your significant other lives in a reality exactly the opposite, RUN!