Have you ever been around a person who says things like: “I’m a nice guy/girl,” or “I’m usually right,” or “You can trust me.” These are red flags. When someone has to tell you that they are nice ahead of time and usually early in the relationship, think red flag and run. Normal people don’t have to tell you that they are nice, because their actions show it over time. Narcissists need to emphasize their credibility to you to keep you off guard and to hide their true self. Their goal is to dupe you only to reveal their false mask later. Their true self is cold and callous as you will find out if you stick around.
Interestingly, the narcissist knows that you shouldn’t trust them. They know exactly what they are doing. It is important to evaluate why they are emphasizing their good qualities. Don’t trust who they say they are, but instead trust their actions to evaluate their true self.
Don’t get duped!!!
Imagine your favorite football team is ready to kick the field goal, when the opposing team decides to physically move the goal posts so the football just misses the mark for the score. Are you in a relationship where he/she is never satisfied? No matter what explanation you give or hoop you jump through to satisfy the insatiable needs of your mate, you still have to vie for his/her approval and validation. This is moving the goal posts. It is a tactic to make you feel unworthy and never good enough. This way your strengths are not looked upon, but instead your flaws are focused upon. What kind of person loves to focus on your flaws?
Are you constantly trying to prove yourself? Know this….You ARE good enough!! You don’t have to be constantly made to feel unworthy. Being with someone who perpetually is dissatisfied with you is not what is intended for your life. Remember destructive criticism involves a personal attack.
Stop being personally attacked. You deserve better. Seek someone who realizes your flaws, loves you for them, and builds your self esteem. You deserve it! Life is short. Its’ way too short to waste energy on someone who will never be satisfied with anything. Literally!
As I continue my research of various blogs, websites, and face book pages, I came across the Flying Monkeys term. Wow. In my book (that comes out around June 2017) I used the term oblivious enablers. They mean the same thing. Narcissists use people to get whatever they want. They don’t love those people because they can’t love anyone, but themselves. They are love blinded by their selfishness. It is amazing that they can get people to buy them things, give them rides, even loan them lots of money while these innocent people have no idea that their charming “friend” has deceitful intentions. Their manipulative tactics are truly EPIC!
Beware enablers! As victims we were once enablers ourselves. Today I wish I could announce to the world that we all need to stand up for what is right and not enable these abusers not one more day. As I read posts from many people (there are thousands of victims in support groups), it saddens me that so many people do not know the truth and have trouble standing up for what is right. So many children are involved as well in the court system being used as pawns in the middle of hidden agendas. Let’s do it for the children. Please share this information and educate yourself. Make the next generation better! It IS possible to win the game as an ALL KNOWING EX-ENABLER! Good luck and Be Strong!!
Do you find your special days ruined? The narcissist likes to be an attention hog and celebrations can be stress triggers for them. Because they truly aren’t happy, they like to bring others down to their emotional-empty level. This creates a “walking on eggshell” atmosphere and the celebration gets ruined more often than not.
Life is so short to have special occasions get ruined. Unfortunately, due to the deep rooted psychological problems that narcissists have, I believe that this will never change. If you plan to stay, then just get ready for the party to be ruined, but if you change your life then surround yourself with positive people who want you to enjoy your day! You deserve it!
I have something for you to think about. Would you date or be interested in him or her again after knowing what you know now?
Then why are you staying one more day?
Seeking the truth, setting boundaries, and truly living the life you deserve sets you free.
I am truly astounded by how prevalent narcissism is in our society. Just yesterday a lady told me a story about her brother-in-law. She expressed how absurd it was when he would tell people that he was an ex Navy seal. The fact that he was never in the Navy, made the story unbelievable beyond what normal minds can think.
Have you been around people who portray themselves as something that they have never been? Isn’t it bizarre? In all reality it is very sad, because narcissists have to do this in order to feel good about themselves. Their pain is deep rooted and their self esteem very low. Their fantasies take them to a place of comfort and increased self love. For the rest of us, we are left scratching our heads in complete frustration. There is no use trying to explain what the truth is to narcissists, but by educating yourselves and understanding the origin of their behavior you can be free. Free from the useless frustration and the crazy making world they suck you into.
Have you ever argued with your partner and after a few hours think to yourself what are we arguing about? If you stop yelling at each other, you start to realize how silly the topic and how selfish your partner is acting. For example, there can be an argument over the fact that you didn’t acknowledge him/her when she entered the room. Quite ridiculous right? Narcissists are relentless. They don’t give up and need to feel important and will fight to the end, even all night, not caring about sleep or the next day. It is their way or no way and you will be put out until they are satisfied. All-nighters are common, but emotionally draining. Their needs have to be met or someone has to pay. This is their mantra and it will never change and it is all because they have a low self esteem. It is sad, but it is how they are wired. It is tempting to try to have a purposeful discussion with them for the purpose of getting your point across , but let me save you a few years or decades, it won’t work. Stay and have arguments that are nonsensical or leave and find peace, because the right partner is out there.