This is a simple representation of how a narcissist thinks and acts. I’m sorry I don’t know where this came from or who wrote it, but it’s spot on. After you read it I’ll dissect it with explanations. Ask yourself, is this your life?
“That didn’t happen
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did,
You deserved it!”
Are you saying “wow!” I know right? Let me dissect it.
“That didn’t happen” is gaslighting. It’s to confuse you and make your head spin so you loose track of the truth and reality. Write things down to prove your point and keep your head straight if you are dealing with this.
“And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.” Narcissists never own their behavior nor can they sympathize with your feelings. They like to make you feel inferior by letting you know your feelings aren’t real and at the same time twisting reality. They like drama but they have to be at the center of it to get sympathy for themselves. You can’t get sympathy.
“And if it was, that’s not a big deal.” Again, just putting you in your place like you are property or an object with no emotions. They seek to hide their abuse of you, by blowing it off as not a big deal. It’s manipulation.
“And if it is, that’s not my fault.” They won’t own their behavior because that would be a narcissistic insult to their ego which they can’t endure. Again, twisting reality by usually blaming you somehow for the problem. It’s never them!
“And if it was, I didn’t mean it.” Just a bold faced lie. It’s to throw you off so you think they are still a good person. Of course they meant it! They say this so you won’t leave. They have to pretend to be nice sometimes. If history keeps repeating itself, things won’t change and they did mean it! That’s a clue!
“And if I did, you deserved it!” Blame shifting is the name of the game here. They justify their abuse by telling themselves that you’re so bad that you deserve to be mistreated. I call it bullshit! 🙂
You don’t deserve to be mistreated like this. Now that you know how they think, it’s up to you to decide what’s best for your life. All I can say is, it’s a heck of a way to live your life and being free of this is liberating!
The world is a big place with many wonders and happy things to experience. If you are with a narcissist, forget being happy. The two can’t coexist.
It’s time to seize the day for yourself and not be seized by a narc!
Thanks for reading and giving me feedback!