But, that’s how it’s supposed to be

  We all have expectations about life, people, and circumstances. We have a “norm” that we point our moral compass to. We usually don’t even think about it unless something happens out of the “norm” and it catches our attention. Even then we still might not sit and ponder the events like we should in order to get to the truth. The tugging of how it should be keeps us in a toxic relationship for too long and keeps us from digging deeper into what reality is and what we deserve. 

  Making excuses for a narcissist is very common. I did it. ”Oh he is sick today. It will get better. He is just having a bad day. I can change him! This can’t be happening because it just can’t be.” Our expectations don’t match up to a narcissist’s behavior and the gap between realizing this and getting free is the dark tunnel of abuse. But hey, don’t beat yourself up for expecting someone to be nice, kind, loving, giving, honest, and hard working, etc. The charm and the deceit makes it fuzzy and we wait and endure, but the norm never comes and most importantly doesn’t stay. The mean-nice-mean-nice cycle keeps us in it! The glimpse of the norm does happen, but it’s a false promise and until you go through enough of these cycles, you don’t realize the truth, because darn it, “IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY!” ”He’s so handsome, She’s so beautiful, He’s so charismatic, but He wants it to work out.” And on and on. We get sucked into thinking that these superficial traits somehow translate into; they are a good catch. Well, actions speak louder and great hair is just great hair. Yeah, I learned the hard way. I’m right there with you.

  Do you find yourself in the waiting game of “that’s how it’s supposed to be”? Well, you aren’t alone and it’s time to close the gap. Are you in the tunnel still? Is your footing unsure and your spirits dampening? Is it time to sit and ponder and maybe ask yourself some questions? You’re only human if your expectations were set properly. Just realize that your disappointment about those expectations could very well mean a much deeper truth that could be life changing. What’s your true reality today? Don’t be fooled by the hair and don’t get caught in the waiting game!

Have a wonderful weekend,

Ilaya