When do they get violent?

Violence from a narcissist seems to be a common thread.  What pushes their buttons and why do they feel so threatened?

Narcissists need to control and dominate life around them.  They need to feel important.  They need to be at the center of attention.  Their needs are their priority over everyone else’s needs.  It’s their way or violence perhaps.

As I continue to learn about this extremely disturbing personality disorder, I’ve learned that there is a spectrum of narcissistic behavior.  Along with this spectrum is a spectrum of victims’ behavior.  Some victims fight and stand up to their abuser and others succumb to every wish by continuously jumping through their hoops that they deliberately put before their so called naïve victims.  Which is the correct behavior of the victim?

Standing up to the narcissist launches them into what’s called a “narcissistic rage.”  They desperately need to feel important and to dominate the situation.  It’s as if they turn into another person.  Their face changes and they yell and intimidate sometimes with violence.  Some victims say that their eyes appear darkened.  It’s ugly for sure.

Other victims do as they say and they swallow their own opinions, ideas, and feelings.  This is no way to live, but will guarantee you a lifetime of low self esteem and an oppressed life.  You will hate life and will forget that life could be better.  You will be brainwashed!

Whether you are a fighter or a pleaser, neither behavior leads to happiness.  The abuse cycle will never change.  Let me repeat that, it will never change!

Find your way out.  Get a restraining order if needed and watch your back.  After you leave, your safety is most vulnerable.  Go after that better life.  It’s out there!  Life is too short.  Be strong and educate yourself.  Good luck!

“Do This Or I’ll Do That”

Do you find yourself in a relationship where the other person threatens you with this statement:  “You need to do this or I’ll do that!”  This is a threat and is not normal by any means.  Where is the love you may ask?  There isn’t any.

Voicing your opinion and having your identity, are exactly what the narcissist plans to destroy.  If you have a disagreement with them, sometimes they use this very threat tactic to instill fear in you so you comply with their demands.  If you feel threatened into submission, this is a huge red flag.  Their entitlement is beyond your comprehension and they will not compromise.  Their self image depends on it.

They can’t compromise because it’s all about them and controlling you to do as they say.  It can be very difficult when you are in the relationship to know exactly what they are doing.  Beware of subtle threats.  They are good at what they do.

Remember their wants and desires are never satisfied.  They will financially and emotionally drain you every way they can.  Document threats and report them legally if your life is threatened.

Find your way out.  It isn’t going to change.  A lot of times their behavior escalates to physical abuse.  Don’t let it get that far!!

It’s time for you to say:  “I’m doing this because you are doing that!”

Take your life back!  Stay strong and be well!

Name calling

Have you been called some, let’s just say, not such good names?  It’s time to shed some light on name calling.

Name calling is a quick and easy way for a narcissist to devalue and insult your intelligence.  Their high sense of entitlement and false sense of superiority lead to rages which can lead to name calling.  Their goal is to make you feel like you are lesser of a person who doesn’t have the right to an opinion.  Heaven forbid if your opinion differs from theirs.  Your well thought out opinion backed by real intelligence is silly to them since they can’t come up with a reasonable answer.  They resort to calling you names like a second grader.  They don’t target your argument, but instead they target you. 

How pathetic.  Don’t internalize this childish behavior meant to insult you, but instead realize that they are incapable of higher level thought processes by having a reasonable intelligent debate.

Remember it’s their way or no way.  The fight is futile and not worth fighting.  Tell them you won’t tolerate their school yard talk.

I hope this empowers many.  Life is too short to be called names by the person who is supposed to have your back!!

 

 

 

The Monster Behind Closed Doors

Narcissists are monsters behind closed doors.  Their abuse needs to occur in front of their victims only and not in front of the outside world.  Why do you ask?

Narcissists love being chameleons.  Their abuse of their victims occurs behind closed doors.  They love making their victim look like the crazy one when the victim screams abuse in the outside world.  Their charm, charisma, and deceitfulness are epic!  Their pathetic need for control and power super cedes any rational thought.  Rational they are not!

They pretend to be a wonderful parent, a wonderful spouse, sometimes professions that they are not.  They are good, quick, and amazing at what they do.  Reality is they use various tactics to get their fuel to escape their poor self image.  They emotionally and/or physically abuse their victims behind closed doors while smiling in the real world as if they are perfect.  This behavior leads to horrific court custody battles and incredible smear campaigns against innocence victims.  They seek to destroy those that expose them.  They desperately obtain their flying monkeys to execute their destruction of truth.

Narcissists are sick humans and it is my quest to tell the world everything I know so that less people exist with the monster behind closed doors.

May my book coming out in September, bless many all over the world!

Educate yourself and stay strong!

 

 

Walking on Eggshells

Victims of narcissists walk on eggshells.  None of us can satisfy the needs of a  narcissist and they love to keep making their victims jump through hoops.  It’s a game they love to play in order to feel superior and to control.

The victims tip toe around to not upset or disturb them.  So many victims know how volatile the narcissistic personality is and will do anything to not get into trouble or emotionally or physically harmed.  It’s a losing venture, because just when the victim thinks they haven’t done anything wrong, the goal posts change and of course they have done something wrong.  A narcissist can always fabricate something that you haven’t done to their liking and they will have extreme pleasure letting you know all about your failure.

Walking on eggshells, I don’t think so!  Step back.  Take a moment.  If you are walking on eggshells realize that it isn’t normal by any means.  A person who truly loves you doesn’t want you to be on edge pleasing their every demand.  It’s not the right relationship if you are being torn down to a skeleton existence full of nothing but anxiety and dread.

Don’t lose yourself.  Get empowered instead and just say “NO!” to walking on eggshells.

 

You’re cheating, no, you’re cheating…

Who’s cheating on who?  That’s a question that goes far deeper when dealing with a narcissist.  Narcissists are never happy with just one person.  The excessive need for attention blows through any marital boundaries.  Remember their reality isn’t true.

Many narcissists love attention from the opposite sex.  I’ve heard/read too many stories that involve cheating and excessive desires.  A narcissist will blame their victim for cheating to divert the attention off of their cheating.  It’s a sneaky tactic and it works if the victim doesn’t realize how narcissists operate.  Most victims just say “what are you talking about?  I’m not cheating.”  End of discussion.  The educated victim will realize as soon as they are blamed for cheating, their abuser is the one cheating.

If you find yourself in a relationship in which you are blamed for cheating and it’s an absurd accusation, think outside the box.  The narcissist/abuser is the one cheating and it’s time to start doing some detective work to find the truth.  It’s important to not feel like you didn’t satisfy him/her.  They are never satisfied because they have a huge void in their life that they can’t fill.  The next victim won’t satisfy them either.

You have a choice.  Educate yourself.  Stay strong.  If you have been living under this dark cloud, it’s time to make a big decision.  The dark cloud won’t go away, unfortunately.

If you’re being blamed for cheating, take it as a huge clue of what kind of relationship you are in, because he/she is giving you the answer right on a silver platter.

Epic Manipulators

Narcissists are the best manipulators I know.  It’s amazing how easy manipulation is used by them and how convincing their tactics are to friends, lawyers, social workers, and judges.

Many people are in the court system fighting for justice and/or custody involving narcissists.  Narcissists can manipulate just about anyone, especially those who truly don’t understand how they operate.  Their charm and what seems to be innate manipulative tactics are epic.  They will do anything they can to divert the attention off of their abuse.  They will lie to convince others that the real problem is the victim’s over reaction.  Their goal is to come out smelling like a rose while destroying the reputation and sanity of the victim.  Boundaries they have not!

This behavior needs to be exposed and understood.  As I see thousands of people across the world going through this struggle, I pray for a way to get the word out about narcissists.  People in positions to make a difference need to be educated.

My book will be out in October 2017.  It is a step in the right direction to help people understand this horrible personality disorder.  My goal is to also make a movie in order to spread the word and depict life with a narcissist.  I’m dedicated to starting a movement.  Anyone want to join me?

Ilayabaxter@gmail.com