Narcissists are dangerous…

Narcissists are dangerous people.  There’s a good conversation that can occur discussing mentally ill versus the evil narcissistic mind.

Have you ever thought back to analyze exactly what kind of relationship you were in?  Did you have friends who were worried about your safety and you blew it off?  Did your friends warn you not to marry him/her?  Are you being told right now to run for the hills?

Narcissists are dangerous as my blog reveals.  For those who can look back and realize this, what are your thoughts?  Do you breathe a sigh of relief?  Have you ever really realized what you got away from?  It’s an intense realization no doubt.  Sitting back and really understanding that narcissists are dangerous people I think is a big part of the healing process.  This is why I’m so passionate to warn others about the dangerous trap that is about to suffocate the life out of beautiful innocent people.

I hope other survivors share that same passion and help others in any way they can.

It truly is an evil entity in this world that is easily derailed by exposure and no contact.  Their violence and emotionless souls are traits that mass murderers possess.  This is a reality that hit me this past week.

Help others get out of the danger zone.  It could really make a difference!

Hope the weekend is going well for everyone.

Ilaya

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Contact = Pain, Unfortunately

Disruption, tactics, pain, turmoil, eggshells, emotional abuse, rages, the unknown, vicious cycle, hoovering, financial ruin, infidelity, trapped, control, guilt tripping, smear campaign, and cruel.

This is just a short list of words to describe a relationship with a narcissist.  Victims know what I’m talking about and it’s not easy.  Any contact with a narcissist will lead to pain unless you are in the very early stages of the relationship where he/she is pouring on the charm.  They can’t charm you for long, however.

Contact = Pain.  It’s that simple.  They come with their bag of tactics and they inflict pain in every way possible.  When you try to escape they use every trick to reel you back in or keep you.  When you are divorced, they will continue to inflict pain if they can.  They will do a smear campaign or use children as pawns.  Sometimes they are abusive to the children and put them in the middle.  They will fight you on the parenting plan and ruin your reputation.

I only see one path to avoid this painful way of life.  Little to no contact.  All of us need to keep shedding the light so the world knows about them because the exposure will help others not get involved with them.  Let’s all terrify narcissists by this exposure.  It’s the ultimate win for all of the victims. That’s what needs to happen.

This is just the beginning for me.  My goal is to turn my book into a movie for the world to see just what the truth is about this word, narcissism.

Remember:   Contact = Pain, No Contact = Peace, Exposure = Helping others

Which do you choose today?  You can take that weekend retreat, turn your cell phone off, and settle into a no contact, peaceful YOU time.  YOU deserve it after everything you have been through.

Have a great day and weekend!

Ilaya

Playing the victim

Narcissists never own their behavior and they are great at playing the victim.  If you really sit and think about who they are, you realize they have to play the victim.

Playing the victim allows the narcissists to gain control.  They will talk about their previous relationships and how they were mistreated.  They will talk about you to others and smear your name to cover up their abuse.  At the work place they again will act like they are being mistreated but in really they are the ones who are causing the disruption.

A very concerning tactic is when the  narcissist threatens suicide if the victim wants to leave the relationship.  So lets think about this…The  narcissist spends time demeaning, emotionally abusing, and raging about how horrible of a person you are.  They tell you how useless and incapable of living on your own you are, but if you want to leave they are going to commit suicide?  Does this makes any sense?  Wouldn’t it be interesting to ask the narcissist:  “Why would you commit suicide since you think I’m such a horrible human being?  Don’t you think I’m doing you a favor by getting out of your life?”

I’m not a psychologist nor do I know any statistics on how often a narcissist commits suicide over their trapped spouse finally leaving.  Is it just to keep their victim/fuel close by or is it a true concern?  Anybody have any thoughts?

Ilaya

 

Peeling back the layers

As our lives move forward and we have more experiences, we all have more and more layers.  These layers can be negative or positive and we have control over which it is.

The layers I’m talking about come from our life’s experiences, our interactions with people, trials, triumphs, etc.  We can choose to let things get us down and become depressed or we can persevere and learn.  I think most of us don’t realize this is happening during our 20’s and 30’s and then middle age hits.  We start reflecting and realizing how many memories we have and we start becoming deeper individuals.

You know, narcissists are complex.  They have many layers at an early age put on them through severe stress or excessive cuddling.  They put more layers onto their victims during their abuse cycle.  Next thing we know, victims are in a situation that is hard to get out of and hard to deal with.  The victims are bogged down with more layers/weight then what a normal life already gives which is plenty.  It gets to be too much to handle.

As I continue to hear from victims and read their stories, I hear the desperation and I see the affects of the weight that narcissists put on them.  It’s horrible.  One lady says that she has severe psychological issues now after the divorce is final.  If we only could tell all of those young adults about narcissism so they could keep the layers from piling up which we know will reach that imminent critical point of crashing down into a pile of chaos.

Don’t be fooled by the neatly organized layers being piled on top of you.  Instead, start peeling them off and exposing the truth.  You don’t need to be guilt tripped into staying because the layers will suffocate you before you know it, then your life is half over or more.

Start peeling!

Ilaya

Karma…no…write your life

How many victims out there wish that some sort of karma would happen to their abuser/narcissist?  It’s tough isn’t it?  It’s a tough situation to be in because the abuse is so horrible.

It’s understandable to feel ill will toward your narcissistic friend or family member.  As I have stated in my blog, the abuse is calculated and meant to hurt you.  How do we deal with someone who is out to hurt us and  who doesn’t really love us?

Understanding narcissism is the first step.  If it seems like things aren’t changing in your relationship then try to get away from the person.  Some people feel stuck and I know it’s hard.

Wishing ill will on the abuser however won’t do any good.  I heard once that it’s ok to have certain thoughts, but what really matters is if you act on them.  Who wouldn’t have karma thoughts toward an enemy?  I say let the universe take care of it.

How many times do we see narcissists continue the cycle of unhappiness within themselves.  Their next relationship won’t be good, positive, or healthy.  Narcissists aren’t happy people period, though they try to portray happiness.  We don’t have to wish ill will on them because they really do live a nightmare inside their heads.  I’m not saying we need to give pity to them, but don’t waste your time wishing ill will on them.

Spend your time empowering yourself with knowledge.  Spend your time growing from your trial and engaging in what makes you happy in life.  As you grow and change, alot of times that special someone who does cherish you will magically appear.

The journey isn’t easy, but remember life was never guaranteed to be easy or fair.  What’s important is how you learn and grow from your trials.

Do you need to change your response to your situation?  Make positive things happen in your life by writing your own life.  Don’t settle for it to be written for you.

Ilaya

 

Future faked

Narcissists tell us what we want to hear.  Their charming ways and suave personalities are epic and they end up being very believable until the abuse starts.  After the abuse starts, the victim is already brainwashed.

The first phase of a relationship with a narcissist is fake.  Their empty promises of a successful future bombard the victim with much hope and excitement for a fantastic life with them.  Their manipulative ways are calculated to trap the victim.   Before long the victim is trapped into a dependent relationship with a scrambled brain.  Narcissists often look like they have it together especially financially.  Remember, they don’t like responsibility and they are spenders because they have to look good to everyone!

I had the honor of telling some young girls last night to take your time when dating.  The truth eventually comes out.  Narcissists work quickly to capture their prey so the longer the dating phase the better.  Narcissists can’t hide behind their mask for too long.

Beware of being future faked.  It could literally mean the difference of marrying a narcissist or not.  It could save you a lot of heartache if you take your time.  If you have any doubts about someone’s integrity, for goodness sake listen to your gut!!

Shedding the light is my passion.  I hope this post helps at least one person have a better future.

Thanks for reading.

Ilaya