Narcissists at the holidays

It’s that time of year again where families get together and celebrate.  Sometimes this is a good thing and sometimes not.  This time of year can be very stressful for many reasons.  Some of us are dreading the holidays perhaps due to the narcissist in the family.

Hopefully my blog has educated you on the behaviors of narcissists.  If you have read my blog then you know what to expect during gift giving and get-togethers.  If you have this knowledge then maybe walking on eggshells is a faint memory of past behavior that you felt was necessary for survival.  Maybe now you can go into a room with a smile and predict interactions and chuckle in your head about what behaviors are before you due to someone’s survival and manipulative tactics.

Remember, conversations need to center around the narcissist.  You may or may not get a word in and that’s okay.  Also, remember a gift you receive may not be appropriate or thoughtful and this is normal in the narcissist’s mind.  Don’t react or if you do just smile.  It’s just a gift and if you don’t want to give them fuel then just smile and say thank you.  I think it’s just easier this way.  Expect nothing, really.  Expect nothing to be “normal,” at least.   If you get out of the room not in tears or anger you’re doing well.  If you need to avoid someone during a gathering then so be it.  Not everyone serves us well and it’s okay to have firm boundaries.  Avoidance can be your strategy to skirt around being sucked into a nasty vortex.  Reconciliation usually isn’t an option with narcissists so why think getting along with them is a possibility?  If people are around them long enough, someone will get hurt.  It just is.

Remember, comments might be made that are underhandedly rude and meant to hurt you perhaps in front of others.  What are your choices?  You either call him on it or you swallow it and chuckle in your head, because you know the truth.  It’s your call.  If you embarrass him in front of others you will pay later.  Only you can decide if you’re strong enough to endure your punishment later that will happen behind closed doors in order to hide the truth.  I just don’t want you to be upset and have your holiday ruined!  Do you know that’s the narcissist’s goal?!  You deserve better and you have to give that to yourself.

The best gift you can give is educating yourself about the ways of a narcissist and not letting this bad energy infect your life.  Be joyous!  Smile and laugh.  That’s what life is about especially this time of year.

Ilaya